That first post feeling...

 HERE WE GO AGAIN!! 

I am no stranger to writing blogs. I believe this is my fifth or six, between Blogger and Tumblr accounts. I almost didn't set up shop to write tonight, but I willed myself into it because I'm going in here with nooo expectations, this time. If this is a hobby I abandon completely after this post, that's fine. If this becomes another online journal for me, that's also fine. I think I want to be able to share this with my mom friends, and truly- I wish to be an influencer, haha- but because this has been the biggest learning journey of my life. THERE IS SO MUCH THAT GOES INTO RAISING A TINY HUMAN, it's crazy. I knew it would be crazy, but I didn't know it would be THIS sort of crazy. 

I'd like to read back on this and remember it is nearly 11pm on a Wednesday night in October. Little marshmallow is in the pack and play beside me, youtube lullablies are playing and I've stopped typing about 10 times to shovel Halloween candy in my mouth. Wer're absolutely going to have to buy more by the end of the month, it's fine. 

So here we are, writing at this time of night. It was a wonderful day, but this is always one of my favourite parts of it- the time where I belong to myself again. I love, love, love being mom, but I love being able to do things of my own, too.

I feel like I have so much to say right now; I want to just pour it all out. I wish my hands kept up with my mind in terms of speed, there have literally been thousands of thoughts that have circled between my ears (oooh- nice), since I started writing this, 9 minutes ago. Again, if this becomes an ADHD hobby that I abandon, it is fine, it is fine, it is fine. 

My other favourite part of the day is when we first wake up. Sometimes my eyes open just before Marshmallow's does, and other times I wake up to the sound of him stirring. I check my phone first, just to make sure everything is okay, before I stand up and look down at that beautiful boy. He smiles and wiggles and it's the best feeling when he registers who is looking back at him. I say, "good morning little gwinch!!" over and over again. His little face always looked like baby grinch to me. He gets a million kisses before I've even taken my second step of the day. His little neck is warm from bed still, and I can feel his eyes darting around the room, scanning for new things to look at. Charlie's tail starts thumping against the ground as he realises that his humans are awake. The house is soon filled with little coos and singing voices and it is a good day already. 

"Another day with you! I'm so lucky!" and I truly mean it. I love this time we have together. I love how I am his everything. I love our morning routine. 

Maybe now this is our nighttime routine. Lullabies, secret candy, pitter-patter on the keys. There's a small window of time to do what I want to do - like this. I should be going to sleep soon, to get ready for tomorrow, so I know this is the only thing I'll do tonight. 

There's a small window of time where this life, with him, happens, like this. 
There's a small window of time, where this is all I have to worry and care and love about. 

It is not lost on me how lucky I am.